The End of Travelment

It seems for quite a while, that it's coming to an end. My end of travelment. For me it's about a silent break of involvement. Trying to bring what happened and happening in order, even if happenings entwine, combine, confuse …

… to times it seems all that's left is ink on paper. Long ago thought moments, realizations, simply me and you and all who crossed my path. My path is not about to end. But a chapter is about to close. A second (or third) gift with a more than unusual start? Like so often my arrivals in new places, countries and myself? Even here in an environment I grew up with? A second gift with a more than unusual start! Again a day to day downward spiral with a bitter tasting end for once, but a blooming episode in a new social context, I would have never imagined myself. A new experience. A new social circle. But before the blooming was about to start, the old me had to fall and dissolve. A painful experience with a lot of soft legs, that weren't able to carry myself anymore. A feeling of being squeezed out of what I used to be, leaving an empty shell of my former self. Emptiness and Nothingness became part of myself.

With will in mind and heart, I was looking on the more and more less and little becoming myself. Asking myself what to take out of it, share and enrich ourselves with. How more days dissolve into less feelings and thoughts and more struggle, how less I was able to grasp what was left about me.

What to make out of what was left ended and seemed to as well to continue in an never ending story … like the battle of the spirits since beginning of humanity? But to wail, wonder and wait made my spirit about to break. My heart closed, cold and shuttered.

It's not an easy road to go. Not downwards, neither upwards. But I had to go the bumpy, dark spreaded alleyway that seemed to become my life. My way ended somewhere different and with a new chapter, even if there was still much happening after my travelment. The true beginning will be carried into a new chapter of writing and existence.