I've got bitten. I can't deny it anymore. If you once had the inner feeling of arrival and being home and than out of the sudden it's all gone, well than you struggle ... and I struggled a lot, not knowing what to do, where to go, where to belong (well, I knew it, but that's another part of the story) and I struggled too long. I lost faith in the world, trust in the closest and confidence in myself. A lot of people, the once I love and need most in my life, got adversely affected by it. Something that made it even worse for me. It can become an ugly race to the bottom, of action and reaction. It makes you tired and exhausted. That makes it by the way even worse too, haha ... another downward spiral.
There have been a lot of unsuccessful tries and unfinished projects. First as a change in the course of the spiral, an up wind, just to turn shortly into an even sharper decline as reaction. I struggled. I tried - determined, stubborn, helpless - to 'go back'. Well, there is no going back - for now. The realization hurts, but it's the truth.
... and within this truth lies the bitter release of just being. I allow myself to be again. There is no answer of what to do, where to go and where to belong for now. I felt it the first time, I will feel it again. Till then I will be.
Curious waiting that the warm feeling of belonging will fulfil my body, my soul and my heart - again.
And as a little gift I have the great opportunity to travel the world, meet interesting people as well as to collect moments, memories and stories to share with you.